I Disrespected My Mother, and it became one of the biggest regrets of my life.
Do you know how your elderly parents feel when you disrespect them? I have seen many people who view their elderly parents as nothing more than household trash—rubbish they simply cannot throw away.
Those who disrespect their elderly parents and belittle them in front of others over trivial matters forget one thing: had their parents not given birth to them, they would not even exist on this earth today.
I have even seen people who not only disrespect their elderly parents but also physically abuse them. Some people simply abandon their parents in old-age homes.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), abuse of older people can include psychological abuse, neglect, and abandonment.
There are also those who care only about their own comfort, remaining indifferent to their parents’ suffering.
Some can bear to see their parents in distress but cannot tolerate the same for their wives or young children. I feel ashamed of people who fail to respect their elderly parents.
However, I didn’t write this article to lecture you on not disrespecting your parents; I wrote it because, a few days ago, I myself treated my elderly mother very badly—an incident that completely changed my life.
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You really ought to read about it because, who knows, something similar could happen to you in the future.
My Mother Raised Me Alone, Yet I Took My Anger Out on Her
My father passed away when I was just ten years old. My mother raised me single-handedly; she was a government school principal. It was she who instilled good values in me, educated me, and shaped me into a capable individual.
Eventually, I landed a well-paying job. My mother also chose my wife—a highly educated woman holding a prestigious position. In short, it was an arranged marriage, and my mother bore all the wedding expenses.
After the wedding, my wife and I moved to another city because she had secured a high-paying job there. I, too, found a good job in that city. I often asked my mother to come live with us, but she preferred staying in the village among the people she knew.
She would visit us for weekends every month or two. She is sixty-six years old. This incident dates back to a day when my boss scolded me severely because I had failed to complete my office work on time due to illness.
He reprimanded me in front of the entire staff, making me feel deeply humiliated. I was seething with anger inside, but I couldn’t lash out at my boss. When I returned home, I found my mother sitting on a chair, watching television.
When she asked me for water, I snapped at her. I shouted, “Were you waiting for me just to get you water? Couldn’t you get up and fetch it yourself?” Startled by my raised voice, she was visibly shaken.
After saying this, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, while she got up and drank the water herself.
The humiliation inflicted by my boss was still weighing on my mind, yet I felt absolutely no remorse for the way I had insulted my mother. But the matter didn’t end there.
How I Hurt My Mother Without Realizing Her Pain
I still remember the time I scolded my mother over the issue of fetching water; she didn’t say a word in return.
I will regret for the rest of my life that, following that incident, I repeatedly scolded and humiliated my mother—both in private and in front of my wife and children.
I still recall the day a plate of food slipped from my mother’s hands and fell to the floor. For some reason, I flew into a rage and spoke very harshly to her.
On another occasion, she was explaining to my wife how to bathe the baby; the child was crying loudly, and without even trying to understand the situation, I scolded my mother and told her to go back to her village.
My wife could no longer tolerate the constant disrespect I showed my mother; one day, she told me that she had found my mother sitting alone in a corner, weeping. At the time, it didn’t affect me much, but my mother began visiting our home far less frequently after that.
Many months passed, yet my mother did not visit us. Nor did I ask her to come over. I even started insulting her over the phone for trivial matters.
I used to act as though I were incredibly wise and she were a complete fool.
One day, I received a promotion at work. My wife and I were overjoyed, so we took our child out to a restaurant to celebrate.
However, an argument broke out between my wife and me over a minor issue. In the heat of the moment, she said something so insulting that I couldn’t bear to hear it; I got up and left for home.
I sat alone in my room, deeply distressed, because it was the first time my wife had humiliated me like that in public. My wife came home and, apologizing to me, said, “If you felt hurt when I insulted you, just imagine how deeply your mother must be hurt when you constantly insult her.”
Her words left me stunned. She continued, “I am not your mother—I won’t simply endure it if you keep insulting me. I married you because you were an educated man with a good job—an achievement entirely due to your mother. She might stay silent while enduring your insults, but I won’t.” Saying this, she walked into her room.
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I didn’t sleep at all that night. All night long, I kept thinking about how terribly I had treated my mother. As soon as morning broke, I set out for my village.
When someone insults you, you cannot tolerate it; yet, if you insult your parents, they endure it—I have witnessed these many times.
Upon reaching the village, I learned things that shook my very soul.
What Happens When You Hurt Your Parents?
As soon as I reached the village, the first thing I did was fall at my mother’s feet and ask for forgiveness. What surprised me was that, despite the fact that I had insulted her so deeply, she immediately forgave me with a smile.
That evening, as I sat with my mother, I asked her, “I shouted at you and insulted you many times—even when you weren’t at fault—yet you never felt hurt?”
Smiling, Mother said to me, “Son, everyone values self-respect, whether they are young or old. In today’s times, simply showing respect to your elderly parents—or addressing them respectfully—would make them feel truly appreciated.
When you used to insult me over trivial matters and I would listen silently, in reality, it was not I who was being demeaned, but you—and that too, in front of your wife and children.
I understand perfectly well that you were unfairly venting your frustration from office work or other life stresses on your mother. You couldn’t say a word to your wife; if you did, she wouldn’t listen patiently the way I did, and might even insult you right back.
When a son scolds his elderly parents in front of others, it hurts them deeply inside. Yet, the poor souls listen quietly, only to go to a corner later to grieve and weep, or try to console each other by telling themselves, ‘Perhaps he took out his anger towards someone else on us.‘
Elderly parents never speak ill of their sons, though sons often say harsh, hurtful things to their parents.
I was deeply pained that day when I was bathing your little child—who was crying incessantly—and you shouted at me, telling me to go back to the village. You had forgotten that it was I who bathed and raised you when you were a child.
I am happy that you are my son, because even though you once insulted your elderly mother, you now feel genuine remorse for it.
There are many sons and daughters in this world who insult, beat, and taunt their elderly parents—even wishing for their early deaths—yet feel absolutely no regret for their actions.
“Always remember one thing, my son: the way you treat your elderly parents is exactly how your children will treat you when you are old. No matter how much the world changes, this reality remains unchanged.”
Mother finished speaking; there were tears in her eyes. I embraced her and promised that, from that day forward, I would never disrespect her.
Many years have passed since then, yet neither my wife nor I have ever disrespected my mother. Now, whenever my elderly mother visits us, we take her out and to the temple, and we strive to keep her happy in every way possible.
My Perspective: What Happens When You Disrespect Your Parents?
My perspective is that the incident which occurred in my home likely happens in most households around the world.
The United Nations Principles for Older Persons emphasize the importance of dignity, security, and freedom from exploitation and abuse in old age.
Many sons or daughters probably mistreat or disrespect their elderly parents. I surmise that sons are more likely to mistreat their elderly parents than daughters are—though I could be wrong, so please forgive me if I am.
Let me briefly share the lessons I learned from this incident; I urge you to read them.
- When sons especially disrespect their elderly parents, it hurts the parents deeply.
- If you disrespect your parents and they do not talk back or simply remain silent while enduring your harsh words, understand that they are suffering immense emotional pain deep down.
- Elderly parents are not mere household refuse; they are the God-like figures who gave us life. Therefore, respect them as much as—or even more than—you would respect God.
- A person who physically abuses their elderly parents will never find happiness in life. Their own children might one day treat them just as brutally as they treated their parents.
- Selfish sons and daughters who feign affection for their elderly parents solely to secure property titles or access bank savings should realize that their own future plight could be far worse than that of their parents.
- Sons who abandon their elderly parents in old-age homes should be aware that a similar fate could await them in the future; their own children might keep them at home but treat them as if they have no value.
- Above all, never cause your elderly parents any distress. If they do become upset for any reason, bow down at their feet, ask for forgiveness, and ensure that such a mistake is not repeated.
- Do not—at your wife’s behest—view your elderly parents as mere domestic help for cleaning the house; instead, regard them as God, for they gave your life and raised you. Otherwise, you will face ruin and achieve nothing in life—this is certain.
If this article has offended or upset you, I will not apologize, for those who disrespect their elderly parents deserve nothing but disrespect themselves.
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